Private Affair

What happens when the things you thought had came to an end are still there? When the ex boyfriend who broke your heart into pieces “knocks on your door” wanting you back? Is a make up always a good thing? It was already said that sometimes we have to move on with our lives to get your beloved back. But what if we do it all and things do not work as planned? And if when you gave it up he called you and said: “we need to talk!”

If he is back it´s because you´ve done the right thing… he´s got his time to rethink things and figure out what´s to be done, he missed you bad and now wants you back, but is it still what you want? Most time we want our love back but we have no idea that sometimes things are just not going to be the same. It´s not easy to put the past behind and start things new – sometimes you cannot, other times you don´t want to.  What do we do with all these questions inside our head and heart?

You got what you wanted: he is back! But there is just one problem, time passed by and things are not the same as it once was. Somehow you don´t feel happy as before and you keep asking what is wrong. Well, it´s normal to feel insecure after a hurtful break-up and sometimes it´s not easy to leave the past behind. We got to figure out if that things we want match with what we need.  Sometimes a make-up is a chance to make things really work other times it´s the worst thing you can ever do… the best thing a couple can do is talking about the issues, what happened and how it´s going to be from now on. If you agree to work on things AND your guy and you are up to it, it may be a good start. But if the disappointment and the bad feelings from the past are not leaving you live your love it´s possibly a sign that you´re wasting your time trying again.

Sometimes we have to learn to let things go… for good!

Dear Father Christmas,

I´ve been an awful good girl… but this year I don´t have many wishes. I only have one, a very important and simple: I want my love back into my life. Is it to ask too much??

Sincerely, Anne

It´s Christmas time! For the most of us it´s a happy time: family together, snow, good food and presents. But for some of us it´s going to be a tough time. Specially if you lost someone you loved, whichever way, it´s not easy to celebrate love when you are broken-hearted, right?

If we could just push it to the back of our mind… or better, if we could write a letter to father Christmas and be sure he would manage our problem. But no, sadly things do not work like that and we have to try to survive… for us and for people who really love us! Of course you will cry, there is no need to pretend to be strong 24/7. But it´s Christmas and at Christmas we say the truth and we have to be honest – don´t be afraid or ashamed to show how you feel. But in light of these circumstances, you have to choose: Either burying yourself under a blanket in misery, eating ice cream and chocolate; or you can take action to get over it and maybe get you ex back while enjoying Christmas! If you choose the last option you probably thinking that it´s an impossible task,  but I tell you, changing your perspective and acting right, you will be surprised how easy and simple it can be!

As tough as it sounds, try to refocus your life and energy and dedicate your time to family and friends but specially to you! In this way you will give your ex some breathing room – Instead of running the risk of turning him off with too much contact the goal is to show him how much he misses you and you do this by allowing him to actually miss you.

If you think there is still a chance for you two, then with this in mind, try to fill your time with other much more productive things that can help you to get over broken hearted and win back your ex in the future… in fact you have to get over him before getting him back! If you know there is no chance to make up, face it! As hard as it is, it´s reality and there is nothing you can do about it – BUT there is something you can do for you! Do you a favour and get over it – life goes on and you will find love again, you just have to give it a chance. Believe in you and look for the little signs.

Some ideas for filling your time that will encourage your heart, make a difference and prepare you for reconciliation:

• Make another person’s Christmas wish come true by donating money to a low-income family’s Christmas, or do the shopping yourself!
• Get together with another friend or family member to bake cookies and make holiday candy, then share it with neighbors or even deliver some to the local nursing home.
• Volunteer at homeless shelters, hospitals and other places that would love to have your time and energy to help others in need.
• Make phone calls or write letters to friends and family members with whom you have lost touch.

By doing this, you will experience the potential for amazing personal growth. Try it, and you will be impressed with the results. Once you give to others, your heart will begin to heal, not to mention that your ex will begin to think of you and miss you as he or she no longer receives daily contact from you. This truly has the potential to be a win-win-win situation.

You will get over broken heart and be able to actually enjoy the holidays rather than suffer through a blue Christmas alone.

While Martians (men) tend to pull away and silently think about what’s bothering them, Venusians (women) feel an instinctive need to talk about what’s bothering them.
John Gray

Just 78 genes separate women from men… why does it always feel like we are worlds apart?  We not only love differently, we express it, feel it, think, act and even argue in a different way.  In fact we are motivated by different things too. John Gray wrote in his best seller “Men are from Mars and women from Venus” that we mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways… the ways we react and behave when we love someone. Maybe the biggest problem does not lie in the fact that we are different, but in the way we don´t even try to understand the differences – in the end we just don´t speak the same language!

Is it Psychology? Society? Why does it feel like we are from different natures? If you had a boyfriend before, you surely know what I am talking about. Be it the was we say “nothing” when it in fact means “Yes, you are in trouble!” and all he answers is “ok, dear…” and changes the topic; Or be it the way he tries to hide his sentimental/emotional side – Boys never cry… no! They really dont! Either way there is not much we can do, 90% of all men on earth will act like that, so get over it!

Guys don´t understand girls, girls don´t understand guys. In fact we were possibly made to complete each other, not to be equal. Emotion, sensitivity, sweet, cute and gentle – these are some qualities of us women and guys really like it, although he would rather not admit it. Most boys only think in the present, no focus on the future, so when a man says he loves you, to him, that means “Right now I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.” And that’s true. For that moment in time. If he means “I love you forever” he will say so, but he can’t predict the future either. (Remember: Eternity could be over, just like that. in a snap. )

We don´t stop lying to ourselves about things guys do or say – sometimes I think our dreams is what keep us alive, we grow up reading and watching fairytales, Thanks Disney! ( just to mention, how romantic is that action/horror films guys use to watch uh??). So we tend to look for hidden messages in all they say – most time they do mean what they say… just simple as it is! So a guy might say “You’re so pretty and amazing”, we hear “I love you and never want to leave your side” Or if a guy isn’t into you, he might end up being nice, but not asking you out. This should be the hint that he probably doesn’t like you but you might lie to yourself saying “Maybe he’s too shy! Maybe he needs me to try harder to be close to him!”.

Think about the goals in life. A guy is a boy, until he can “Be a man” so he needs to accomplish things in his life. He needs to achieve. He needs to hunt too.  Not to mention, guys are born with an ego. Their pride can be hurt, but they bounce back. Guys need to prove themselves to be accepted.  They want to win! And their lives are based basically on that until they find a way through that and let you 100%  in – It´s a difficult task though and it is not up to you to change him. So Take it easy and try to understand… that´s sometimes the best way!

Jay and Chloe

He needed space, wasn´t sure what he was feeling for her anymore. She was devastated, she loved him and didn´t want to lose him. But instead of following her urges to call him up and pleading and begging for him, she just let him go; tried the best she could, to not let him see how much broken hearted she was and she took salsa lessons! (It was a big boost for her self esteem, gave her something to focus on and a great sense of adventure of doing something new with her life). Guys are very visual minded. He heard about the dancing lessons and immediately visualized her with those other men, dancing close together… He was extremely jealous about it! Before she knew it, he texted her “I made a mistake. Let´s talk!”. Of course she made him work for it a bit, before she took him back…

Break-ups, is there something more destroying than that? Who´s never been there before? Why we never learn with our mistakes? Why we never know how to deal with it? I´m going to tell you: Because most of the time we listen to our heart! It´s important to do so, but please not when we are talking about break-ups and make-ups! Here the most important is be strong and have a plan!

Do you feel miserable? It´s normal, however, there is one person who can’t be sorry for you right now.. And that’s you!

A breakup is a very emotional and painful thing to go through. But, my dear friend, there will always be a way out of it – together or alone. If you are here to find a way to get your boyfriend back, it´s extremely important that you decide on a solid plan, no bad moves by instinct… you would blow your chances in the process!

The most How-to books say you must trust your feelings and follow your heart… Of course not now! This is the time where your instincts are totally wrong!

Ground Rules

Keep Strong: If you want it hard  enough, you can get it! However heartbroken you may be, your ex boyfriend won´t want you back if all you seem to be is miserable and needy. The most of us have the urge to let him know just how terrible we feel and how much we miss him – What the heck are we trying to do? That he feels… pity? No guy on this earth will fall for a girl out of pity, ever! Guys want confident and strong girls – BE ONE OF THEM!

By now you may think “Okay, easy to say and difficult to do. How can I act confident when I feel as rotten as I do?”. Yeah, it´s not easy, but nothing is: No pain, no gain! Acting confident can be difficult right now, because your self esteem may hit a low point. But set your goals, think about what you want, imagine it happening (you and your ex together again) and every time you feel like calling or begging him to come back, just realise that in this way he is not coming back anyway!

Many couples get together after a breakup, every day! You still have a chance then, statistics are on your side and you can achieve this goal if you put your mind to it! And why it happens?? Biology and psychology explains:

Biology: The CHEMISTRY between two of you! If it “felt right” it probably was right, as far as mother nature is concerned. The two of you share a strong connection and your and his body picks up on that!

Psychology: More complicates, but where you can put your magic to work! It´s actually pretty simple if you know what you are doing. We usually mess up our chances in the process because we act wrong way to get our results. However, if you know what you are doing, you can play your ex´s feelings like an instrument! What a good feeling!

Limit Contact: This is the area where you need to stick with yourself. Whatever you do, don´t harass your ex. It will drive him away from you, so no calls, texts, etc. To get back together, you first need to make contact, right? WRONG! Don´t call him! He broke up, if he wants to talk to you he will find a way to!

Why no calls? Since you are giving him confirmation that you still think about him, he won´t feel any pain of missing you. And it´s not what you want, right? If you have difficulty fighting the urge to call him, then try to keep your focus on your goal!

Find other things to focus on: It is a very powerful method! If you can find a new hobby or activity to dedicate some of your attention to, you will have less time to miss him and regain the feeling that you are in control of your life, experiencing new and interesting things. It will lead to more self confidence and he will notice that you have “moved on” with your life or that you are not suffering 24/7 because he is gone. This is like a red rag on a bull for most guys!

So my dear friends, if you play your cards right, make a solid plan and follow it through, then you will have a good chance of getting him back! Be strong, limit the contact and focus on something else. It will definitely help you a lot and make your ex boyfriend realise what he is missing! Good Luck!

Hello Folks,

I welcome you to my new Blog “Private Affair”. Here we are going to talk about relationships, intimacy and everything around it. I am a psychology student and wanna share with you some secrets and stories  – whether real or fictional. I hope you enjoy this blog as much as my 1st blog:http://letstalkaboutsextoday.wordpress.com/

Take care and see you around!